As I’ve had several questions about this, I wanted to be clear and post my daily schedule. Most of you who have been asking also have seen me commonly in the evenings, so here is the daytime.

7:00 – 7:12 a.m.
In-bed calisthenics, 110 pushups, 150 star squats, and a glass of eggwhites (I pour this before I go to bed so it will be there, bedside in the morning).

7:13 – 11:45 p.m.
First nap.

11:46 – Noon
Delete spam and Facebook notifications from my Email box. Send Email to Barack Obama. Lament on absence of personal communications via Email.

12:01 – 1:15 p.m.
Watch selected scenes from E.T. the Extraterrestrial and force myself to fake-laugh, which, in turn makes me officially laugh. LOOK AT HIS FACE! AHAHAHAHAHA!

1:16 – 1:17 p.m.
Pour myself a delicious pint of beer.

1:18 – 1:20 p.m.
Finish the beer, pour myself another beer.

1:21 – 1:47 p.m.
Pet the dog until I get drowsy enough to sleep with him on the little love seat he has designated as his with an eerie amount of permanent hair (no joke, those white, allergen-infested shedlings are not coming off that couch).

1:48 – 5:45 pm.
Second nap.

5:45 – 5:46 p.m.
Scramble into my room and act like I’ve been doing work all day at my computer before my brother comes home.