Like jumping up and down at concerts. I write this at the risk of sounding old. In the sense of old beyond my young years.

Floorboards creaking underneath, the Double Door’s long-awaiting appearance of Crystal Castles was greeted with urgency only the most eager Chicagoan (rhymes with Obiwan) could dish out. Everyone, at the cue of some unseen beehive-pheromone signal, immediately negotiated for a prime position near the stage: this is where jumping up and down is the most enjoyable and effective.

Jumping also allows you to really impress the ladies. The higher you jump, the more vigor and emotion you put into it, really shows the duality of athleticism and sensitivity that the modern young woman can really appreciate.

This poses both a moral and philosophical conundrum: was House of Pain right?